what a luxurious way to spend the morning. lounging in the green green grass in the middle of the desert.
what a luxurious way to spend the morning. lounging in the green green grass in the middle of the desert.
BURNING BRIDGES IN MORMON COUNTRY
in this audio clip, tim and i attempt to relate some of our experiences at the national bridges national monument. on listening, i realize that i can’t stop using the words “beautiful,” “amazing,” and “unbelievable.” sigh. before i record any more stories about our time in southern utah, i will have to consult a thesaurus. attempting to describe the sights and sounds at bryce canyon, kodachrome state park, and canyonlands will surely require the usage of similar concepts.
OF VINEGAR AND KARMA
back in the early 1990s, i spent about four years living, working and going to school in albuquerque, nm. i was in my early twenties, and to be perfectly honest, i was not at my most emotionally healthy. in the common parlance of the rom-com, i had a lot of growing up to do. there are memories of my time in new mexico that can still bring moments of sweaty, gut-cramping embarrassment. i wore a skirt? a miniskirt? i fooled around with an aspiring model named clint? i sent secret admirer notes? ergh. sure, there were wonderful times and unforgettable experiences as well, but even those were fraught with the self-absorbed angst that only a twenty-year-old, semi-closeted, recovering seventh day adventist could muster.
what i’m trying to get at with all of these terrifying revelations is that new mexico and i have a very intense emotional history. under albuquerque’s chronically sunny skies, i experienced more than my share of awkwardness and inflicted more than my share of cruelty. i could go into more detail, but really, what would be the point? suffice it to say that whenever i go back, i can’t help but feel that there’s a shit ton of karmic payback waiting for exactly the right moment to serve notice.
that moment was april 2010. it may seem overly dramatic to assert that the allergies i experienced during this visit to new mexico were a sort of cosmic retribution for my past sins, but i was there and i lived through it, so i know. this was some serious heironymus bosch shit. being eaten by a bird-headed creature while crows fly out of one’s ass could hardly be more terrible than the life-sapping combination of congestion, leakage, migraine, insomnia, dehydration, bloody nose, and puffy face that new mexico’s flora inflicted on me. apparently, other people suffered as well, this being the worst allergy season in years. new mexico had seen an unusually wet winter and pollen and mold counts, so i was told, were through the roof. such knowledge proved a cold comfort. misery may love company, but i would prefer to keep misery at a safe distance.
luckily for me, i stumbled upon a remedy so powerful it not only does away with allergy symptoms, it also eradicates bad karma. my friend carla suggested it when my eyes, nose, mouth and throat first began to leak, but i foolishly chose to ignore her advice. it was only after i had hit my own rock bottom and realized i was helpless before this seasonal affliction that i finally surrendered to a higher power: the power of apple cider vinegar.
for those of you who are afflicted by allergies, bad karma, or both, i recommend the following brew:
2 C bragg’s apple cider vinegar
2 inches of ginger, sliced thinly
4-8 cloves of garlic, peeled
several dashes of cayenne pepper
bring the above ingredients to a boil, turn heat down and simmer for a while. turn off heat and add:
2-4 teabags (stinging nettle, breathe easy, gypsy cold care, etc.)
enough local honey and warm water to dilute and make the brew palatable.
drink this stuff all day long. drink it til the people around you begin asking if you smell something weird.
how do i know it works on allergies? well, in my case, about two days after getting serious with the vinegar, my symptoms had all but disappeared. it verged on the miraculous.
how do i know it zapped my bad karma? because even though i started my tenure in new mexico as an insecure, awkward, unnecessarily cruel, sometimes vicious, skirt-wearing, closet case, i somehow managed to end up with the coolest, kindest, smartest, funniest, most talented and generous friends in the entire state. so to m, a, w, c, z, h, and e: thanks for putting up with my endless bitching and moaning about my damned allergies. you guys made new mexico more magical – one might even say enchanted – than ever.
Posted by Wordmobi
our visit to arizona was punctuated by three unexpected and unnerving run-ins with the powers that be. the first was a security inspection conducted by the department of homeland security just before crossing the hoover dam. the other two happened at security checkpoints set up by the border patrol. the first of these took place just north of patagonia, az, about 20 miles north of the border. the second occurred on the day we left arizona, just north of truth or consequences, nm.
there is something truly frightening about being scrutinized by folks with military authority. the line between a fairly benign interaction and one gone horribly awry is just one miscommunication, one misunderstanding, one unallayed suspicion. the balance of power is tipped almost entirely in their favor and it is easy to feel as though you are entirely at their mercy. the whole thing requires an attitude of deference, something i have little practice in. fortunately for us, however, we have a good luck charm from tim’s childhood watching our back. macgallowitz, a large-ish, two-tone teddy bear, has done much to lighten the mood and reduce the stress of these surreal interactions. at hoover dam, for example, the constables who were inspecting the contents of our truck were greeted by macgallowitz’s impassive stare. “who does this belong to?” asked a crew-cut. “that’s his,” i said, nodding in tim’s direction. the crew-cut looked at tim with an expression saturated with bemusement. “you don’t have any guns or other weapons in there, do you?” he asked. i scoffed. “no way!”
the combination of the stuffed bear, my incredulity at the thought of owning a weapon, and our general squareness banished any suspicions the crew-cut might have held. he waved us through with a slightly mocking smile.
some things which might interest you about our visit to arizona, the 49th state of the union:
that picture up there? that’s chamoy. it is the craziest thing i’ve eaten in a good long while. i can’t even begin to explain it and i have no idea why nobody ever told me about it before now! it’s sweet, salty, bitter, sour, crunchy, melt-in-your-mouth, ice-cold spiciness. yummy!
in arizona, gay marriage is extra super duper biggie-size illegal. until recently, the state extended domestic partner benefits to state employees, but out of what seems like sheer mean-spiritedness, az has repealed them, leaving a lot of people in the lurch.
springtime in the desert is surreal. imagine entire mountainsides painted the bright orange of mexican poppies. with every breeze, billions of tiny petals trembling, setting the earth on fire.
the ads for john mccain’s 2010 reelection campaign use the tagline john mccain: arizona’s last line of defense. no wonder they’re so nervous!
thanks to the generosity, kindness, and goodwill of our many hosts, we ate the tastiest fry bread, watched the most staggering sunsets, lounged in the most decadent hot tubs, practiced yoga in the most crowded classes, and hiked the most painful trails. if you get a chance, ask tim about the restorative yoga class…it’s hilarious.
due to severe budget cuts, all state run rest areas in arizona are now closed to the public. seriously. they’re surrounded by chain link fences and bright orange closed signs. it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if arizona ends up changing its travel and tourism slogan to arizona: we don’t really want you around.
waterfalls in the desert? who knew? we were there at just exactly the right time to witness this spectacle. two weeks later it would have been a dry gully.
by june 3, around two-thirds of arizona’s state parks will have closed their doors for the foreseeable future. our last night in az we camped at a sweet little park set on the edge of a lake within sight of snow covered peaks. it offered a hot-spring-fed hot tub and big, clean bathrooms with good showers. it was also full to capacity with campers. despite all of this, in a couple of months it’s getting shut down. sigh. ain’t no shortage of wal-marts, though, so if you feel like camping out under the stars is essentially the same as sleeping in a parking lot, you probably won’t be affected by this tragedy.
a saguaro forest is an otherworldly landscape. when they become very very old, their dolphin-like skin becomes as thick and gnarled as treebark. occasionally, one will mutate and become cristatic. it is crazy looking, like it’s trying to grow a brain.
the two tallest buildings in tempe, az are abandoned condominium skyscrapers; casualties of the housing collapse. they stand there, dark, silent and unfinished monuments to hubris and greed.
frank lloyd wright’s last building, the gammage center, is on the campus of arizona state university. it is, as they say, a confection, but you can get an all-access tour for free, and it’s history is pretty cool. if you go to the gammage, then you have no excuse for not visiting asu’s fine arts building, designed by antoine predoc. when the new york times did a review of all of the buildings on asu’s campus, it beat out the gammage center as having the most architectural importance. it’s a pretty special place.
outdoor shopping malls are now being marketed as lifestyle centers. shopping at pottery barn and eating at the cheesecake factory? now that’s what i call a lifestyle!
although it gets very hot here, our visit coincided with the most beautiful and temperate season to be in arizona. cool evenings, warm days, and high overhead, the distant eggshell sky. while we were riding our bikes around and sleeping under sheets, the rest of the country was pretty much socked in by rain, sleet, hail and snow.
if you look like you or your parents were immigrants and the authorities have a wild hair, you’d better watch out! you are exactly the people that john mccain is trying to defend arizona against.
our campsite in chloride, az.
st. patrick’s day parade in chloride, az.
the mohave museum of history and arts, kingman az.
near mt. lemmon, tucson az
magically, we found ourselves in patagonia, celebrating dan’s 40th birthday.
michelle, adrian and jmichael made tucson our home away from home.
saguaro national park.
the heard museum.
desert botanic garden.
we spent almost 3 weeks being held by the vortex that is arizona. i had a marvelous time hanging with friends and exploring the desert in springtime, but still and all, i was happy to get the heck out of there. what with the whole gay as second-class-citizen thing, the looming threat of surprise security inspections and the potential that i might be required to produce documents to prove my legality just to walk down the sidewalk, arizona just doesn’t feel particularly welcoming.
Posted by Wordmobi
folks get a lot of mileage out of hating on l.a. one of the many mellow-harshing conversations that tim had to endure at the hot springs in tecopa, ca , for example, was basically some dude yammering on and on about los angeles’ many and varied faults. blah blah traffic; blah blah hollywood; blah blah etc. and this highly discerning connoisseur of urban life was from las vegas. yup, that’s right, beautiful idyllic las vegas! huh.
to be sure, los angeles has a long list of well-documented downsides. i admit that i don’t know how well i would do if i had to live and work there full-time. the prospect of a daily 3-hour commute on l.a.’s screwy freeway system is enough to give me the shakes. but for an 8-day visit — which happens to be exactly how long the three of us spent there — the city of angels is practically perfect in almost every way.
here, then, in no particular order, are the things i loved about the much-maligned city of angels.
1. la comida ~ yes yes yes, i know, there’s good food to be found everywhere. portland has its whiffie hand pies and random order cafe and all-you-can-eat ethiopian buffet. san francisco has delfina and the ferry building and that little tiny place on 14th and valencia (or is it 17th?) that serves the best falafel sandwiches ever. hell, even hemet, ca has carne asada tacos that have made me groan with pleasure. so what about l.a.’s gustatory offerings made me stand up and take notice?
the dulce de leche cake from the coffee table cafe.
ethiopian vegetarian combo at messob.
for one, there is just so much of it! l.a.’s sprawl might make your daily commute a living hell, but it also means that there is a seemingly endless supply of places — big, small, fancy, filthy, and everything between — serving an endless variety of food. our week-long food party included vietnamese bun, dim sum in chinatown , ethiopian veggie combos , a traditional brazilian buffet , a japanese curry house , american brunch classics , down-home mexican, home-made ice cream, fresh vegetable juice medleys, and a place that was devoted solely to cream puffs. oh yes; and one regrettable late night dinner which started with deep-fried macaroni and cheese balls and ended in tears. and all this eating barely scratched the surface of what l.a. had to offer. we didn’t have any sushi or korean bbq or lebanese or umami burgers; we didn’t eat anywhere specializing in raw, vegetarian or macrobiotic food. it wasn’t for lack of trying! paul, one of our hosts, kept shaking his head at us and saying, you guys are out of control! no, paul YOU’RE out of control. now let’s go eat.
2. la clima ~ some folks complain that l.a.’s weather is too nice; too consistently wonderful. to this i say, puhleeze. find something real to complain about.
3. la estación de tren ~ this truly distinctive landmark somehow manages to capture both the soaring aspirations and deep cultural roots that define southern california. part spanish mission, part art deco hood ornament, it’s glamorous and romantic; the kind of place where double agents are hunted and hard-boiled detectives fall in love with platinum blondes. tim and my visit was far less dramatic. first we oohed and aahed at the tilework and heavy-boned furniture and then we used the public bathroom. what can i say; we’re tourists!
4. avistamientos de celebridades ~ nuff said.
5. nuestros amigos e familia ~ of course, we wouldn’t have known about the cream puff place or the dim sum house or the joys of topanga canyon’s eagle rock; we wouldn’t have found the beautiful fig tree or ethiopia-town or the farmer’s market; we wouldn’t have had as much fun or laughed quite as loud or received so many hugs, if not for our friends and family. so massive gratitude and thanks to everyone who made time and space to see us on our whirlwind through socal.
to paul, who let us crash at his place for a very long time at the risk of alienating his housemates and exhausting himself, and who never got upset when we flailed on late night plans. i’m reading your script and will give you notes soon! promise!
to ruthie, who broadened our horizons and gave us space for healing, contemplation and wicked good conversation. may our paths cross again soon, if not here, then in brasil!
to sara and tony, who host the most awesomest monthly party in the northern hemisphere and who introduced us to kitsu and whistler. may the inspiration you’ve given be returned to you ten-fold.
to marty and pj and matt and jim, who brought us to muscle beach and encouraged us to drink. may the screeching never end.
to tim’s wonderful family, the whole happy hilarious gang. next time, we all have to go rollerskating!
to matt, heather and calan, who brought us to eagle rock to watch the sun
set and whom i lamely did not even photograph. may the wind be at your feet and may you walk in beauty.
viva los angeles! next time, we promise we’ll go out dancing, re-enact key scenes from xanadu, and get more brazilian food. until then, see ya later, gang!
Posted by Wordmobi